Hi, my name is not Eli Johnson, Thank you very much.

Freaking Weirdos roam this earth. I’ve dated 1 too many of those. But not to bash the exes even though it is so very easy to do {you lie, the band perry}.

One of the weirdos that i have not had the pleasure of meeting but have had the pleasure of being his “secretary” for the past year {i did not get paid anything, grr} made my day so much better for the reason that I got to change my number.

Why did I need to change my number, I just changed it a year ago is probably what you are thinking so I’ll share the story.

Last year when I was dating the freak,  I changed my number because I thought I’d be in Utah the rest of my life. The number that I got {801-631-3906} was Eli R. Johnson’s previous number. Eli R. Johnson. The first day I had the number activated, I started receiving phone calls for him.

Hey, is Eli there?

Hello, this is so and so from so and so debt collections. I am trying to reach Eli Johnson.

Hello. This is so and so from the law offices of so and so trying to reach Eli Johnson regarding case #xxxxxxxxxx.

That is just a few examples of my daily phone calls.

No. I am not Eli. I am a girl.

No I do not know him either.

Really, I am serious. I am not in contact with him nor have I ever met him.

Seriously, woman, I have talked to you 3 times already. I am on the do not call list. If you call me again, I will sue you.

Those were my answers. {would you believe that woman stopped calling? a man starting calling in her place}

Fast Forward to 1/14/2011. I wake up at 6:00 AM. Turn on the news {who knows why}.

“BREAKING NEWS! ABC 4 has the exclusive video of Eli R. Johnson being arrested”

I came running in from the bathroom and just starred at the TV. {this is the guy beside the freak has caused drama in my life for the past year, I was finally seeing who he was.} I watched the video in awe. I called the ‘rents at 5:00 AM their time. I was dancing around the house {i thought the calls would stop, i’m not heartless}. I told them. They read the article and watched the video.

I went to preschool {thinking} I wouldn’t have any missed calls. I was {so} wrong.

I got out of preschool and I had missed a lovely call from his lovely debt collectors. I called my phone service provider and said “This dude who had my number before me is now in the hospital for slicing his throat open in an attempt to avoid being arrested. Can I now change my phone number?”

And that is how I got a new number.

Here’s the link.


P.S. Eli Johnson. I am no longer your secretary. Thank you very much for the worst job for the past year.



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