Letting Go.

“to let go isn’t to forget,
not to think about, or ignore.
it doesn’t leave feelings of anger,
jealousy, or regret.
letting go isn’t about winning or losing.
it’s not about pride
and it’s not about how you appear,
and it’s not about obsessing or dwelling on the past.
letting go isn’t blocking memories
or sinking sad thoughts,
and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness.
it’s not about giving in or giving up.
letting go isn’t about loss and it’s not about defeat.
to let go is to cherish the memories,
but to overcome and move on.
it is having an open mind
and confidence in the future.
letting go is learning and experiencing and growing.
to let go is to be thankful for the experiences that
made you laugh, made you cry, made you grow.
it’s about all that you have, all that you had,
and all that you will soon gain.
letting go is having the courage to accept change,
and the strength to keep moving.
letting go is growing up.
it is realizing that the heart can sometimes
be the most potent remedy.
to let go is to open a door,
and to clear a path and set yourself free. “
I had a dream of how I wanted my life to go. I had a plan. Recently, I’ve let go of my plan and I am letting the Lord direct me in the direction that is the path which follows His plan. I am stubborn as heck. It’s hard to refocus everyday and say “His will not mine.” because I so badly want certain things but the answer I keep getting is “in time” or “patience.”
Anyone who knows me knows that I lack something and that something happens to be patience. Eh. I’m not about instant gratification, well, sometimes that is nice, but I don’t even know how to describe it. I just don’t have patience and need to learn what patience is and use it to relax because I will drive myself and probably a few others crazy with the lack of it.
I’m planning on taking 18-21 credits in the Fall for school. I will not be working but being a full time student. I’m not sure how it will go but I’m pretty sure that I will be doing homework around the clock.
The decision to take 18-21 credits- here’s the story- The little girl I nanny for is moving to Copperton, far out there ville, and I was told that they need to know if I was going to stick with them once they move. I told them that I would get back to them. I started praying about my decision I needed to make and felt prompted that I needed to stick with them for the summer and say “good-bye” in the fall. I was like “Alright” and I told them that. My concern had been the driving out to Copperton part. The little girl’s mother said “We won’t be moving until the end of summer, we are doing some remodeling.” Then it made sense why I should stick with them for the summer. So in the fall, I will be jobless. Schedule creating time was happening around the same time that I was praying to know whether I should stick with the little girl so I was planning my schedule. With my job this past year, I wasn’t able to take the amount of credits I should really be taking so when I was going through my list of classes I needed to take, I realized that if I take 18-21 credits for fall, spring, and summer for 2010-2011, I will be student teaching in the fall of 2011.
When I realized that, I was so grateful to have listened to my Heavenly Father because I hate school and knowing that I can be a teacher fall 2012 makes taking so many credits worth it. Who know I’d be a 22 year old full time teacher? I didn’t but I sure as heck will be! 🙂

2 thoughts on “Letting Go.

  1. This is amazing. Life is good Courtney! Just take a look at all the blessings around you 🙂 they are everywhere. I love you so much girl! And you can do anything you put your mind to.

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